Universal Truth #4: Communication

Good morning. Happy Sunday. Let’s get right into it. The universal truth for today is about communication. There’s a good chance the beginning of this will sound cringe worthy or cheesy, but hear me out before making any judgements.

I’ve been watching Bigg Boss (the Indian equivalent of Big Brother) with my mom and sister, and I feel like there are things to be learned from watching it. Yes, it’s a reality television game show. Yes, the contestants are acting and not being completely authentic. Yes, the show is for entertainment.

However, it’s a great opportunity to people watch and understand human emotions. I’m interested in learning how humans interact and the emotional intelligence behind it. It’s quite enjoyable to watch the show and have all these ideas pop into my head. Ideas meaning things that we all know, but recognizing it consciously and then thinking about it and how it can be utilized to improve my own life, or myself as a person.

Bigg boss started a week ago, and I don’t always have the time to watch it. My mom and sister keep me updated. I did get the chance to watch it on Friday, and it left me thinking about communication and emotions.

The task given to the contestants on Friday was called “Kadandhu Vandha Padhai” (the path they crossed), and they were asked to talk about their life and experiences. They all spoke of struggles and the pain they had to overcome. Some struggled to make ends meet, some faced abuse as a child, some lost loved ones, etc. At the end of the task, they had to nominate members within themselves for elimination based on the stories shared along with a reason. The common reason among all the nominations was that their respective story wasn’t as sad as the others stories.

Pain is pain. I don’t really think you can compare pain because everyone’s pain threshold is different. We all have different weaknesses that are equally valid. With respect to the episode, losing a loved one and not having enough money to eat – how can these things be compared? They are both painful, and sad.

How did the contestants decide who to nominate for elimination? Who did I feel should be nominated and why?

I felt like the people who had an edge in the task where the people who were able to communicate their pain in a way that connected with the audience. There is such a huge correlation between emotions and communication, a bridge termed as expression.

It’s interesting to understand how one’s pain is validated by how they communicate it. The contestants that didn’t want to cry and skipped over hardships, ended up getting nominated. The contestants that were very expressive and vulnerable with their emotions connected the best with the audience. It was fascinating to think about how other humans can only empathize when emotions are expressed. Seems obvious, but it’s just a weird idea to wrap my head around.

It goes along the lines of when you love someone, but don’t express it; that person isn’t receiving love. Having love inside of you isn’t super useful to the people you love. You have to express it for that love to be valuable.

Emotions are meant to be expressed. Especially if you want other humans to understand how you are feeling. Just something to think about. I was running through my head what I’d have expressed with respect to my life and struggles. Am I communicating my emotions to the people surrounding me, or do I prefer to appear strong and hide them? Where do I draw the line between these two things?

A reality TV show can also be thought provoking?! Haha. I guess. Have an amazing day ahead and thank you for reading and or listening. Follow this blog, like it, leave a comment below, you know what to do – all the social things. It really means a lot to me. Till next time, this is Abirami Vina from Cognition.

King Tut, Cinderella, & Bedtime Stories – Cognition with Abirami Vina

Ancient Egypt is fascinating!

1. King Tut, Cinderella, & Bedtime Stories 16:07
2. Elections, Poseidon, & Drama 14:23
3. Lockdown Continues & Mythology 19:31
4. Lockdown, Vivek, & Pirates 15:12
5. Xmas, Love, & Bad Days Don't Last 21:21

Universal Truth #3: Regret

Closing my eyes
A palette of cold colors
Flashes in front of me

It’s interesting how people that were constants in our past may not be present anymore, and how they only know that past version of yourself. They may claim to know you, but the reality is that they used to know you. It’s a fact that requires consideration.

Similarly, our memories hold past versions of ourselves. That means when you remember a bitter incident, you are giving yourself (the current self) a hard time about something you didn’t do (a past version did). Realistically, there is a good chance you have evolved past that and grown.

I was listening to a podcast, All Things Internet (https://youtu.be/YSj2we9-teg), and cancel culture was discussed. [ Cancel culture refers to the popular practice of withdrawing support for (canceling) public figures and companies after they have done or said something considered objectionable or offensive. ] Rachel Ballinger, the host, made a good point that people shouldn’t be canceled for their past; if they have already atoned and become better people that don’t make the same mistakes. If other people deserve consideration and a chance at life without the stains of the past, don’t you deserve that?

Freedom is a very personal thing nowadays. Yes, most of us have rights as a human and live in countries that believe so. The concept of freedom has evolved beyond survival to thriving. You have the power to free yourself from your past.

Freedom from regret is something worth fighting for. You don’t want to look back at your life and see only pain. I’m sure there’s smiles as well. Capitalize on the smiles, and let the regret go.

Memory is a funny thing. You don’t really remember the past. You remember the last time you remembered the memory itself, and so you have the secret to freeing yourself.

Universal Truth #2

The easiest way to make someone that you love smile is to do something mundane. I know, sounds strange. But, give it a try. Try doing something that is very normal and something your loved one usually does for themselves.

My dad smiles the biggest smile when I sneak into his office room during a meeting, to give him a bowl of fresh cut mangoes.

When I give my sister a mason jar full of lemonade, she grins so big. She forgets she’s on camera for her online classes.

I hang the laundry up for drying because it makes my mom smile. She might not always let me see it, but I often overhear her bragging about me to her friends over the phone.

This lockdown isn’t really the best time ever. It wasn’t something that was planned for. There was no warning. We all had things going on in our lives.

Fill that hole of uncertainty and worry, with some love. Grand gestures aren’t necessary. Just be mundane. There’s plenty of love in the normal things.

That one summer evening
As the sun set
Her hand rested in mine
Sitting on our porch
Sipping tea together
She’d made it the way I loved
With a little extra sugar

Universal Truths #1: A Sense of Self

I’d like to share with you some truths that I’ve happened upon. You could say that I sort of tripped over them on accident – lucky accidents. I strongly feel these truths are of value and I wish someone had told me about them earlier, and that’s why this new menu tab exists. Simple as that.

Cutting to the chase, truth numero uno: To love oneself is not selfish.

Loving yourself doesn’t mean you don’t love the people around you. Just like how loving your mom, doesn’t mean you don’t love your dad. Self love doesn’t imply egoistic behavior and being a butt head. Self love means you have put in the time and effort to get to know yourself and understand yourself just as you would want to get to know your significant other.

Self love means believing in forgiving yourself and rooting for yourself. It means standing up for yourself. Being your own mental cheerleader and protector. Realizing that you need yourself more than anyone needs you. That’s why on airplanes you put your oxygen mask on before helping other people. You have to be alive and thriving to be of any use to anyone.

Investing in yourself is important. It’s quite similar to cutting and polishing a stone to let it become a gem. Though it sounds cliche, we are all diamonds in the rough. You have to know your worth to feel comfortable with the idea of self love that others may consider selfish. A sense of self is a responsibility rather than an indulgence.

Spending time on yourself isn’t selfish. Granting yourself wishes isn’t selfish. Pursuing your dreams isn’t selfish. Holding yourself up to certain standards isn’t selfish. Respecting yourself isn’t selfish. Prioritizing your health isn’t selfish.

Remember, being selfish means that you lack consideration for other people, and are concerned chiefly with your own personal profit or pleasure. Taking care of yourself along with the bandwagon of people you love isn’t being selfish.